Straight People now Illegal

Photo courtesy of shutterstock

Photo courtesy of shutterstock

Ryan Van Veldhuizen, Editor

This is a great day for the gays, it has just been announced that the United States government has put in place a law stating that all heterosexuals will now be illegal starting this year.

The law was passed to combat the rampant homophobia in the straight lifestyle. Congress has decided that being straight is now homophobic because not being gay means someone doesn’t like gay people. From the scientific conclusion that came out that being gay is a choice, straight people are now able to convert into the gay lifestyle.

The punishment for the crime of heterosexuality is the death penalty because nobody wants to ever see those actions ever again. There will be monthly government intervention with every person where people will have to prove they are gay however they decide to do so.

“These woke liberals wanting to make my children turn into queers, well I won’t have it I’m leaving so I can teach my children the way God intended them to live” stated homophobe.

“We are putting this law in place so that the gays will be happier because if they’re happier we’re closer to socialism” stated AOC.

There has definitely been some controversy over this new law because it now excludes an entire demographic of people. Some say it will make the country more inclusive, while others revolt that it’s a form of “discrimination”. The people who agree with the law claim it will make the country less divided and focus more on new family values.

This yassification of the nation has now taken full value with more legislation coming in the following months. Such as renaming the White House to the Slay Palace and painting it all rainbow. Along with the mandatory distribution of the new scientific brainwashing device to every household that converts all children to the gay lifestyle. It certainly is a wonderful year for the gays.