A Man Named Ruble Faces Depression


photo courtesy of helpguide.org

Jacob Lopez, Staff Writer

Doctors hate him. Everyone hates him, apparently. Coinciding with the decline in the value of the Russian Ruble, a man named Ruble has begun to suffer serious bouts of depression.

Across the country, we have been hearing reports that economic sanctions on Russia have led to a mighty decline in the value of their currency, the Ruble. Another person who heard this news was Ruble, and he has been devastated since. All over, the only news he could see was that Ruble has lost value.

He tried to remain positive throughout the ordeal but the constant negativity was more than anyone could handle.

“I’m a firm believer that people have purpose, and that words are meaningful; and these are two ideals that I live by. Seeing what people all over the internet are saying is so demoralizing I don’t know how much longer I can handle it. It’s like I’ve just become a joke,” says Ruble.

Many helpful people, including psychiatrists, have put together a list of steps for the improvement of Ruble’s mental health, but it is all online, and the internet is a place that Ruble has been to wary to travel for days now. Even a mere headline could send Ruble into a pit of sadness, but there is hope. He had been feeling more positive since he stopped reading the articles, and eventually stayed offline for almost an entire week.

But it appears as if nothing great can last forever. A newspaper was delivered to his home on Sunday morning with the dreaded headline on it. Now as he uses that very paper to soak up his tears, we send our best regards to Ruble.